Tag Archives: Calvinball

The WORST Puzzle Solvers in Pop Culture

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We celebrate puzzles here at PuzzleNation, and for the most part, we really try to keep the mood light and the overall tone a positive one. Because puzzles are great, and the people who make them are creative, brilliant, innovative, funny wordsmiths who labor for hours just to bring us some delightful challenges in black-and-white grid form.

As part of the general spirit of PuzzleNation Blog, we’ve been doing a series of posts where we shout-out the best puzzle solvers from the realms of fiction, be it horror movies, classic literature, television, YA novels, and children’s books.

But in all fairness, for some reason, a lot of not-so-great puzzle solvers have also been featured in pop culture. Sometimes, a crossword puzzle is the perfect prop for a bit of comic relief. Other times, the crossword serves as a lens for the character, providing valuable insight into their personality.

And if it’s true that you can’t truly enjoy the sunshine without having experienced a little bit of rain now and then, well, let’s rain on a few characters for the sake of fun, shall we?

Here’s a quick look at some of the worst puzzlers in pop culture.

President Jed Bartlet, The West Wing

Bartlet is an incredibly intelligent and well-read individual, which makes it all the more entertaining to watch him struggle with a crossword during the third-season episode “Dead Irish Writers.” He overthinks one entry, is outwitted by another — coming up with TEA for the clue “It may be bitter” instead of END — and even coloring in a square when an answer doesn’t fit the grid.

That’s not the point of the scene, of course. It’s a showcase of Bartlet’s relationship with his wife and how they’re both confronting a crisis in different ways.

But still… Jed, you’re bad at crosswords.

Bertram Cooper (Robert Morse) – Mad Men _ Season 7, Gallery – Photo Credit: Frank Ockenfels 3/AMC

Bert Cooper, Mad Men

I haven’t seen all of Mad Men, so I can’t be certain, but I only recall one character with a deft hand when it comes to crosswords: Don Draper’s secretary Miss Blankenship. And she serves as the perfect foil for Mad Men‘s worst puzzle solver, Bert Cooper.

One of the top brass at advertising agency Sterling Cooper, Bert is solving a crossword and asks for “a three-letter word for a flightless bird.” Anyone with crossword experience will answer as Miss Blankenship does, with “emu.” Cooper replies, “Nope, it starts with an L,” to which Miss Blankenship responds, “The hell it does.” Clearly Mr. Cooper has already gone astray with this solve.

It’s a funny juxtaposition to have someone in a lower position speak so bluntly to a higher-up, and it also fits perfectly with Miss Blankenship’s abrupt style.

[Image courtesy of SyFy Wire.]

Marjory the Trash Heap, Fraggle Rock

Also known as Madame Trash Heap, this sentient compost heap claims to have all wisdom, and serves as a strange oracle for the nearby Fraggles. Although she possesses some magical powers and her advice usually turns out okay, this doesn’t prevent her from making some pretty silly mistakes. And that includes working on crosswords.

In one episode, Marjory needed an 11-letter word for “life of the party.” Proving both her faulty reasoning and her egocentric view of the world, she confidently claims the answer is her uncle, MAXIMILIAN. (It’s spelled with a silent Q, of course.)

Yes, this is a kids show, and yes, it’s not meant to be taken seriously, but it does make you question her view of the world, no matter how good her intentions are.

[Image courtesy of Screenrant.]

Eugene H. Krabs, Spongebob Squarepants

Mr. Krabs, owner of the Krusty Krab restaurant, is obsessed with money and views pretty much everyone and everything around him in terms of monetary value. This even extends to his recreational activities, as we see in one episode of the show where he is solving a crossword puzzle — well, a crisscross, but this happens in TV all the time — and puts the word “money” as the answer to every single five-letter space in the grid.

Unfortunately for Mr. Krabs, there’s one place in the grid where it wouldn’t work, spoiling the solve. (It is convenient for him that MONEY fits in so many of the five-letter spaces in the grid, though.)

I’m fairly certain Mr. Krabs doesn’t care, but hey, if you’re solving a crossword or a crisscross, you should care. A little. (At least he doesn’t color in grid squares like Jed Bartlet.)

[Image courtesy of Bill Watterson.]

Calvin, Calvin and Hobbes

There’s no denying that Calvin is a very clever boy. He creates games like Calvinball, builds some hilariously morbid snowmen, examines the world with a unique perspective that flummoxes and surprises in equal measure. But one Calvin and Hobbes comic strip reveals that he’s not necessarily a good crossword solver.

In response to the incredibly vague clue “bird,” Calvin says, “I’ve got it! ‘Yellow-bellied sapsucker!'” When Hobbes points out that there are only five boxes, Calvin brushes him off with a casual, “I know. These idiots make you write real small.”

On the one hand, Calvin would have no problem with rebus-style crosswords that put more than one letter into the grid. But on the other hand, no sane constructor would jam twenty letters into five boxes. (Hopefully.)

Walt Tenor, Stuck on You

A pair of conjoined twins in this comedy film from 2003, Bob is the quiet shy brother and Walt is the outgoing one driven to seek success in Hollywood. To further illustrate the differences between the two brothers and the central personality conflict between them, crosswords are mentioned twice in the film.

In both cases, the obvious correct answer — provided by the more timid and thoughtful Bob — comes as a surprise to Walt, who has come up with more inappropriate potential answers. I can’t share either of them with you, fellow puzzler, because we try to keep it family-friendly here on PN Blog, but sufficed to say, the answers tell you what’s on Walt’s mind most of the time, to the detriment of both his relationship with his brother and his ability to actually complete a crossword.

By ignoring the common sense answers and always twisting the clues to suit what he’s thinking about, Walt shares several of the bad qualities seen in other people on this list. He might just be the worst puzzle solver in pop culture.

Can you think of any bad solvers in popular culture that we missed? Let us know in the comments section below. We’d love to hear from you!

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DIY Pencil and Paper Puzzles!

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pencil-paper

Picture this. You’re stuck somewhere with friends. The airport, a traffic jam, wherever. Nowhere to charge your phone, so you can’t play Trivia Crack or solve any of the great puzzles offered by the Penny/Dell Crosswords app.

All you’ve got is paper and pencils, and you’re in a puzzly mood. What do you do?

Well, you whip up some DIY puzzle fun, of course.

Now, the classic go-to pencil and paper game is Hangman. The goal is simple: guess the complete word or phrase by guessing one letter at a time. Each correct letter is filled in every time it appears (like on Wheel of Fortune), and each incorrect letter results in one piece of the Hangman being drawn. If you let too many incorrect guesses stack up before solving the puzzle, the Hangman is completed and you lose.

hangman

People have differing rules when it comes to the Hangman’s complexity. Some draw the gallows and noose as well as the Hangman, while others pre-draw the gallows and noose, only drawing the Hangman when wrong guesses occur. (I, for one, always liked drawing him a jaunty top hat before sending him to his demise.)

I can remember a time we played Hangman in high school because the professor for our physics class didn’t show up. One of the other students I didn’t know very well suggested it, and his first two puzzles were cracked pretty quickly. But then the third one had most of the class stumped.

It read: C A P T A I N ___ O ___

People kept guessing “Captain Ron,” even though there was clearly no N in that second blank. When I realized it was “Captain Lou,” I blurted out the answer, and suddenly, we were fast friends.

Because of Hangman.

mark-wahlberg-plays-guessing-game-with-a-teddy-bear

Another simple game is Guess My Word. One person chooses a word, and the other narrows it down by guessing words and being told if those guesses precede or follow the secret word in the alphabet.

For instance, if the word was QUINTET and your first guess was HALLOWEEN, I would say after. So, in one guess, you’ve eliminated every word that comes before HALLOWEEN alphabetically.

And if you’d like to give it a shot, puzzle constructor Joon Pahk created a Guess My Word feature on his website that is great fun (and sometimes pretty challenging).

tic-tac-toe

I was going to mention Tic-Tac-Toe here — another staple of the pencil-and-paper puzzle game genre — until my mother mentioned a variation she read about in Parade magazine.

In the article, Marilyn vos Savant is credited with creating Toe-Tac-Tic, a reverse Tic-Tac-Toe game wherein getting three in a row means you lose.

It’s a completely different style of game play, adding a nice twist to a classic game. (Though, quite honestly, I’m not sure we can credit vos Savant with its creation, since I can remember seeing this played in the mid-2000s. I’m not sure anyone called it “Toe-Tac-Tic,” but the rules were the same.)

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And finally, for fans of card games, you can always whip up a round of 1000 Blank White Cards.

Named for the only thing you need to play — a bunch of identical blank pieces of paper, index cards, or something similar — 1000 Blank White Cards is a game you design and play both before and during the game! You can also further refine the game in subsequent sessions.

As Wikipedia so aptly puts it:

A deck of cards consists of any number of cards, generally of a uniform size and of rigid enough paper stock that they may be reused. Some may bear artwork, writing or other game-relevant content created during past games, with a reasonable stock of cards that are blank at the start of gameplay.

Some time may be taken to create cards before gameplay commences, although card creation may be more dynamic if no advance preparation is made, and it is suggested that the game be simply sprung upon a group of players, who may or may not have any idea what they are being caught up in. If the game has been played before, all past cards can be used in gameplay unless the game specifies otherwise, but perhaps not until the game has allowed them into play.

Once your initial deck of cards is created, players draw a card from the deck and either play them, keep them, or add them to the active rules of the table so they affect everyone. In this way, gameplay is quite similar to another classic puzzle card game, Fluxx, especially with the ever-changing rules and malleable gameplay.

Not only has 1000 Blank White Cards appeared in GAMES Magazine, but it was also included in the 2001 revision of Hoyle’s Rules of Games.

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I am a huge fan of customizable games, so I have played 1000 Blank White Cards many times. From cards that can cause immediate victory to cards that can negate those cards, from point cards and rule cards to cards that requiring singing or truth-or-dare challenges, the possibilities are endless.

Some of my favorite cards are just drawings of turtles, where another card grants you special powers or bonuses depending on how many turtle cards you have. Another allows you to create a new card on your turn, either to keep for yourself or to give to another player.

And the rules can depend entirely on who you’re playing with. Sometimes, you can make a new card every round, while other times, you can only introduce a new card when you’ve drawn a card that allows it. Heck, there might even be blank cards in the deck that you can draw and customize immediately! It is literally up to you and your fellow players how to play.

Fans of Calvin and Hobbes will no doubt draw comparisons between 1000 Blank White Cards and Calvinball, and rightfully so. (Savvy card-game players may also recognize similarities to the figure-out-the-rules-while-you-play game Mao.)

But whether you’re playing Hangman or guessing a word, getting three in a row or avoiding it at all costs, or even creating your own signature game, as long as you’ve got a partner in crime and an imagination, you’re never without a puzzle.

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